When You Don't Choose Your Own Story

“Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.” (Gospel of Matthew 1:18-19)

------------------------------

It is easy to look back once you know the whole story and think of how inspiring it is. Living a story real-time, however, can feel like hell. Put yourself in Joseph’s sandals for a moment. He was just living his life, and then suddenly, without warning and without explanation, he is handed a story he didn’t choose.

Joseph’s fiancée, Mary, reveals that she is pregnant and the child is not his. To add insult to injury, she claims the impossible - that in some mysterious way God and not another man is responsible for this. I’m sure there have been many over-the-top excuses and explanations to cover up unfaithfulness throughout the ages, but to claim that what happened is somehow God’s plan cuts extra deep.



As far as Joseph can tell at this point, Mary has cheated on him. Let that sink in. That’s really heavy. Joseph didn’t choose this story but now he gets to choose how he responds. He has options, including publicly denouncing her and even seeking the death penalty for her adultery. This would have been a perfectly acceptable and lawful decision according to the spiritual leadership of his time (think of how the Pharisees dragged the woman caught in adultery before Jesus).

Maybe this seems barbaric to us, but then I also think of how our culture relishes in breakup songs and revenge movies and instant karma. We take pleasure in cheaters (fictional or not) being eviscerated and getting what they deserve. We even experience a sense of empowerment when we put down those who brought us down.

Joseph makes a very different choice, though. He chooses a path of gentleness. He chooses to divorce Mary quietly, seeking as much as possible to avoid exposing her to any shame or disgrace. Even though he has done nothing wrong, he loves Mary enough to seek her good even amidst his hurt and confusion.

I can see why God chose him to be the earthly father of the Messiah. I’m not entirely sure why God let Joseph go through this phase of turmoil before sending an angel to reveal the truth, but it gives us a powerful glimpse at the strength of Joseph’s gentleness and love.

Even after the truth is revealed to Joseph, we get to see even more of his character. I admire the incredible humility of Joseph in receiving the angel’s words and in taking Mary to be his wife - and along with her, to take Jesus, a child he did nothing to create, as his son. Even though he has no earthly reason to do so, he is fully invested. He exemplifies the adoptive and self-sacrificial love of the gospel.

Just imagine what gossip would have been circulating - people would either assume that Joseph had been dishonorable in sleeping with Mary before they were married or they would assume that Mary had been unfaithful, both of which would have brought a lot of shame upon Joseph. But in spite of what others would be saying, Joseph humbly accepts this word from the Lord and boldly loves Mary (and God), serving them both in a life he had not chosen.

Joseph truly lives out the servant leadership that Jesus will feature so prominently in his life and teachings. In the stories of Christmas, Mary and Jesus take center stage, and I think that is beautiful. Joseph is there, but always in a supporting role. He is off to the side or in the shadows, doing the little and yet important things necessary for Mary and Jesus to thrive. I love this picture of Joseph leading Mary on the donkey, his face unseen like any common character on the streets, yet he moves with determination in his steps to take care of his precious passengers.

The strength of Joseph in this story is that he doesn’t take center stage. He doesn’t demand the spotlight in order to find meaning and significance. He receives a story he didn’t choose, and instead of carrying it as a burden, accepts it as a gift from God.

By leaning into the role God offers Joseph, he chooses to partner with God and unite himself with Mary, who is also living out this experience in bold faith. It is a beautiful picture of how we can live as well. In the twists and turns that our own stories take, how will we respond to the unexpected and the unexplained? Will we trust God when the story isn’t going according to plan? Will we partner with those God brings us, even when unity defies earthly expectations? Will we find purpose in the unconventional and unmatched gifts of God?

May we all, like Joseph, respond with such gentleness and humility and trust in God.